To do so let us understand what stress is. We make a mental picture and define in our minds that this is how our lives should be. But if life does not turn out that way, it upsets and agitates us. We keep cribbing about why things are panning out in a way which is the complete opposite of what we had planned in the first place. Is there any use? Would it change anything? We cannot change the person or the situation. We are not able to accept it and the mind cries out of agony. We start pointing fingers to persons, situations, environment and blame them to solace oneself. This agony is nothing but stress.
Now if you are given an opportunity to remove all these external factors resulting in your agony or stress, would it make any difference? If I say that you will be given shelter and food (which are the basic necessities for survival and the primary reason for running our daily lives), will you be happy and joyful all the time without stress? No! The reason being that, all these external factors you blamed in the first place for your agony, are not the prime reasons at all. This just concludes that you yourself are the reason for your own stress in the first place. But you are unable to accept it.
How to tackle it? First of all, you need to accept and digest that something has happened and now it’s in the past. You can’t do anything to change the situation or the person. So, instead of cribbing, crying and reacting to it, you need to respond and find means to solve the problem. When you cling onto the problem, your heart and mind cry. Your mind becomes your own enemy. The most wonderful creation of the human body is the mind and now it has become your own enemy! How you treat and nurture your mind is in your hands. When you don’t see a problem as a problem but as an incident, the mind will start looking for solutions. There will not be any suffering.
Whole existence in this universe is a dynamic process. Every moment it is changing, the world is changing and so are humans. Change is the only thing that is constant. If this can be grasped, then why would you want everything to be static in the mind by holding onto it? You can’t avoid change. If you can accept and digest this fact, then you will never be stressful. Your complaints of “Why is my husband/wife acting this way? Why has he/she changed? Why is this happening to me?” will all disappear. Rather your thought process will be directed towards “Now what has happened has happened. How do I make this work?” There will be no more stress or suffering. What they call as stress management does not exist. Only if there is stress will you need to manage it! Handle every situation with this attitude and you will never be stressful. You will suffer only when you try to modify or change something or someone which/who cannot be changed by you.
Only an intelligent person will start responding instead of reacting. Are you one?